


Lost & Found Love(r)

by Echele78



Series: Flufftober/Whumptober 2019 [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguments, Crying, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/No Comfort, Established Relationship, Flufftober, Inspired by Music, M/M, Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss Friendship, Malec, Reconciliation, Regret, Sadness, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-16 01:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21262952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echele78/pseuds/Echele78
Summary: Magnus just wants to be appreciated but Alec is too caught up in work to notice how he's treating Magnus. What will happen when Magnus finally has enough?





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Written for different Whumptober and Flufftober prompts, which will be listed in the notes of each chapter.
> 
> **Musical Inspiration** \- The song "Lover, Lover" by Jerrod Niemann, which can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q0LE3gtUn8).  
[Song Released: March 1, 2010]
> 
> Song lyrics (which I did not write nor do I own) are in **_bold italics_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whumptober Day 26 Prompt - Abandoned

**_Lover, lover, lover  
You don't treat me no good no more_ **

Magnus has been helping Alec and the other Shadowhunters with almost every mission they’ve had recently. He’s made potions & portals, written spells, and summoned demons all without a Thank You from anyone, least of all Alec. The one person he doesn’t _anticipate_ getting a Thank You from but the one who he thought cared enough about him to say it. He used to feel like all of his efforts were appreciated; now he feels like they’re expected.

** _But now all you do is just treat me cold  
Ain't gonna take it no more gonna walk out the door_ **

Magnus receives an urgent text from Alec:

_9-1-1. Portal to Institute ASAP. Demon hunt. Need spell and portal._

Magnus thinks to himself, “Wow. This must be a really bad demon for Alec to be that terse. He must have a lot going on.” Magnus quickly ushers out his current client, apologizing profusely for the interruption and promises to call tomorrow to reschedule. He portals into Alec’s office at the Institute and is immediately met with Alec’s, “Finally. We need a portal to Romania and a stunning spell. Can you handle that within the next 10 minutes?”

“I could yes, but I want and need some background information first.”

“We don’t have time for that. I’ve told you what we need. If you can’t handle it we’ll call another warlock.” Alec’s tone is angry, curt and frankly, hurtful.

“Then call another warlock.” Magnus reopens his portal and leaves the Institute without another word or backward glance.

_ **Well I wait up for you almost every night** _  
_ **And I'm hurtin' so bad 'cause you don't treat me right** _

It’s been almost twelve hours. No call, no text, no fire message. Nothing. Magnus assumes Alec isn’t concerned that Magnus is worried about him and everyone else. Who knows what kind of demon they were rushing off to Romania to fight. Did the “other warlock” know the proper spell? Did the portal take them to the right location? Magnus has worn a path in his favorite Oriental rug with his incessant pacing. At last, Alec comes home… very late. 

Magnus meets him in the hallway to the bedroom. He throws his arms around him and hugs him in close to make sure he’s alright. “What happened with the demon? Did the portal take you where you needed to be? Did the spell work? Were you injured? What about everyone else?”

Alec doesn’t return his embrace. “If you were so concerned about all of it you should have stayed. I need a shower, food and sleep.” Alec breaks Magnus’ hold on him and heads to the en suite bathroom, leaving Magnus standing speechless in the hallway.

_ **Lover oh lover** _  
_ ** I know you used to love me in every way** _  
_ ** But now I'm giving up** _  
_ ** And I'm tired of crying babe** _

The next night, when Alec comes home late again, Magnus tries to talk to him. “You know, I was worried about you all last night. Anything could have gone wrong. One of you could have been hurt. I would have appreciated a quick note letting me know everything was fine.”

“When do you think I had time to send you a note? We were deep in Romania, fighting a greater demon. I’m sorry I couldn’t convince him to pause the battle so I could send you a smiley face with a thumbs up emoji.”

“It was a greater demon? Why didn’t you tell me that when I was at the Institute?”

“Would it have made a difference? You seemed pretty determined to have your way and because you didn’t get it, you left. I figured you were done with the subject. Plus, I had to make other arrangements so we could get to Romania in time.”

“My God, of course it would have made a difference, Alec! All I needed to know was a little bit of information before we all went running blind into a battle we weren’t prepared for. One little miscalculation in the portal or spell could have had catastrophic consequences. The more information I have, the better I work. You should know that by now, after everything I’ve done to help you with your missions. For free, no questions asked, I might add.”

“Oh, were you looking for payment? Maybe credit for all you’ve done to help the poor Shadowhunters who couldn’t have done it without you? I didn’t realize your assistance came with strings attached.”

“No strings, Alec. A thank you every now and then would be nice. That's all.”

“Well, thank you…for causing us more problems yesterday. The mission would have gone much smoother if you would have just followed my orders.”

“I’m not a Shadowhunter that has to fall in line with every word you say.” Magnus’ lip begins to tremble and his eyes start to well up with tears. “I’m your boyfriend. I thought we were a team. I thought you cared about me and valued our relationship.” He tries to hold the tears back but they spill over and down his cheeks anyway. Alec appears unaffected. “You never ask about my day anymore. Never talk about anything other than work and how much stress you’re under. I get that, I really do. I just wanted to be the safe haven you came home to. Where you could let all of that go and just be Alexander. I think I was, for a long time. But something has changed. I’m starting to feel like I have so many times before. Like you’ve gotten tired of me and could care less if I was around or not…unless you need a warlock.”

“Magnus, you know that’s not true. I-“

Magnus cuts him off. His tears are streaming down his face now. “I don’t want to hear it. You can sleep in the guest room tonight. Maybe we can work this out tomorrow.” He goes to his bedroom then shuts and locks the door behind him.

_ **I can't stand it no longer** _  
_ ** It hurts me to say** _  
_ ** But I'm packing up my bags and going far away** _

Alec didn’t sleep at all that night. The realization of how he’d treated Magnus for the last several weeks was a pain in his heart he couldn’t overcome. He thought about going to Magnus’ room, knocking on the door (beating it down if he had to) to sincerely apologize to Magnus. To tell him how much he loves him and how much he means to him. To grovel at Magnus’ feet, do anything he could to make it up to him. He knew though that Magnus needed the night to be alone. Alec was the last person Magnus wanted to see last night.

This morning was different. Alec was going to make this right. He goes to Magnus’ bedroom (_their_ bedroom under different circumstances) and knocks on the door. There’s no answer. He tries the knob and the door opens easily. Magnus is not there. The only thing Alec finds is a note on Magnus’ pillow:

_I’m done. I won’t allow myself to be treated like this again. I thought you were different. How wrong I was. You’re just like all the others. Don’t try to find me. You won’t be able to anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did Magnus abandon Alec or did Alec abandon Magnus first?


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries everything he can think of to get Magnus back after he left him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whumptober Day 31 Prompt - Embrace and Flufftober Day 31 Prompt - Free Day

Alec has to re-read Magnus’ note again:

_I’m done. I won’t allow myself to be treated like this again. I thought you were different. How wrong I was. You’re just like all the others. _ _Don’t try to find me. You won’t be able to anyway._

Even after reading it four times, he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Just to be certain, he yells for Magnus as he searches throughout the loft. “Magnus! Magnus, are you here? Come on. Let’s talk about this.” The last room he searches is Magnus’ apothecary. It’s cleaned out. The shelves and cabinets are all empty of potion ingredients. There are no spell books or magical tomes anywhere in sight. Alec runs back to the bedroom and checks Magnus’ closet. He’s faced with bare hangers and empty drawers. The only thing left is an old shirt of Alec’s that Magnus liked to wear around the house because it was so comfortable. “Magnus.” Alec’s voice cracks over the single word as he feels tears form in his eyes. He can’t believe he’s actually gone. He abandoned him. Wait, no, Magnus didn’t abandon him. He, himself, made Magnus feel abandoned so Magnus left and rightly so.

Alec is in shock. He doesn’t know what to do so he just stands in Magnus’ closet repeating Magnus’ name over and over again like a mantra. Like if he says it enough times, it will magically call Magnus back to him. Back so he can apologize, grovel if he has to, even though he’s not sure it would make a difference. Magnus may never forgive him.

He has to try something. He races to the guest room where he slept last night and grabs his phone off the night stand. He dials Magnus’ number. No answer, voicemail picks up. “Magnus, I’m so sorry. Please call me back so we can talk about this.”

He wants to give Magnus time to listen to his message so he doesn’t call back right away. He waits for about an hour. He can’t make it any longer than that so he calls again. “Magnus, please. I don’t know, maybe you haven’t heard my first message yet. I’m sorry. Please come home. Don’t end it like this. I’m sorry, I love you. At least call me back, please.” Alec’s voice is shaking. He gathers himself then says, “Alright, bye. I love you.”

He waits about 15 minutes and decides to text Magnus:  
_ Please call me._

10 minutes after that:  
_ Magnus, please. Text me back. Or call me._

5 minutes after that he starts firing off messages, one after the other:  
_ Or come back home._  
  
_ We need to talk._

_ I’m sorry._

_ I love you._

Immediately after the last message, Alec’s phone dings with a text notification:  
_ Message Not Delivered - The Number You Are Trying To Reach Has Blocked You_

With a strangled cry, Alec sits down on the couch, defeated. “Now what?” he asks himself. He perks up as an idea hits him. He dials a number on his phone and waits until the call connects, “Izzy, have you spoken to Magnus today?”

“Well good morning to you, too.” she says in false offense.

“I don’t have time for pleasantries, Iz. Have you spoken to him or not?”

“Damn. What’s got your panties all in a wad?”

“I’m sorry. Hell. I seem to be saying that a lot this morning.”

“What do you mean? What’s going on, Alec?”

“He’s gone, Izzy.”

“What? Who’s gone?”

“Magnus.”

“What do you mean gone? Gone where?” Izzy is confused.

“I don’t know, Izzy! That’s why I need to know if you’ve spoken to him today!” Alec bellows, his tone frustrated.

“Don’t you yell at me, Alexander Lightwood. I’ll come over there and kick your ass!” Izzy gives it right back to him.

Alec sighs. Izzy can picture him pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers while he collects his thoughts. “Shit Izzy. I’m so sorry. I just don’t know what to do.”

“How about you start by telling me what the hell is going on?”

“I fucked up, that’s what.”

“More details, please.”

“I’ve been treating Magnus like shit for the last few weeks, hell, months if I’m honest, and he finally got tired of it. When he tried to talk to me about his feelings I was dismissive. He made me sleep in the guest room last night and when I went to talk to him this morning he was gone. Left a note saying I made him feel like every other relationship he’s ever had and he wasn’t going to take it anymore. Said not to try to find him. The apothecary’s empty and so is his closet. I’ve called and sent text messages but he’s blocked my number.”

“Oh Alec.” Izzy says and he can hear the sympathy and concern in her voice. “I’m sorry. No I haven’t talked to him today. Do you have any idea where he may have gone?”

“He’s been a lot of places and made a lot of friends in his life. He could be anywhere in the world.”

“I’ll try to get in contact with him. Maybe he’ll respond to me.”

“Thanks Iz. Again, I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you. It's not your fault. I’m at my wits end and it’s like a piece of my soul is missing.” He pauses then adds quietly, “I don’t know if I can live without him.”

“We’ll figure this out, Alec. Magnus loves you. I'm sure he’s furious with you right now but he loves you. I’ll let you know if I hear from him. I love you big brother.”

“Love you too. Talk to you soon.” Alec hangs up the phone. He leans back on the couch and closes his eyes. A stray tear falls down his cheek; followed by another, then another. Before he knows it, he’s crying. “Magnus, please come back to me.”

♦♦♦♦

Catarina feels the shift in her wards then hears a portal whoosh in her living room. There is only one person in the world (other than herself) that can portal directly into her apartment; Magnus. Something must be very wrong. Magnus doesn’t just direct-portal into her home on a whim. She heads to the living room from the kitchen.

When she sees Magnus she can hardly believe her eyes. His hair is wild, makeup streaked down his cheeks, his eyes are red-rimmed and puffy and his clothes look like he slept in them. “Magnus?” she asks.

He just stands in the middle of her living room, staring at the floor. She moves to stand by his side and places a hand on his arm. She ducks her head to make eye contact with him. When he registers her presence, he raises his head slightly and looks at her. The look in his eyes tells her something awful has happened. “Magnus, what’s wrong?”

Magnus meets Catarina’s gaze. He can see the concern in her eyes. She has always been such an amazing friend to him. She touches his face gently, “Magnus tell me what’s wrong.” He tries to tell her but he can’t form words around the lump in his throat. Tears start to form in his eyes and he finds he can’t hold them back in front of his most trusted friend. He begins to weep and Catarina gathers him into her arms in a comforting embrace.

They stand like that for several minutes, Magnus soundlessly weeping onto her shoulder. Finally, Magnus’ quiet “I left him.” breaks the silence. Catarina pulls back just enough to see his face. “Are you talking about Alec??” she asks incredulously.

He wipes his eyes and straightens up. “Yes.”

“Why?” she asks gently.

Magnus squares his shoulders as he says “Because I refuse to allow him to treat me like I’m insignificant in his life. Like I’m one of the Shadowhunters under his command who has to say “How high?” when he says “Jump”. I am…was…his boyfriend. We were a team, facing the world together. I don’t know when that changed for him but it definitely did. Now I’m right back in the same position I’ve been in so many times before. I just never imagined it would happen with Alec. I thought he was different.” Magnus sighs, “Boy was I wrong.”

“Oh Magnus. You weren’t wrong. Alec _is_ different. I’ve seen you two together; he looks at you like you hung the moon and stars. You’re his world.”

“Evidently not anymore.” Magnus goes on to tell her everything that has happened over the last several weeks and how he made the most difficult decision of his very long life and chose to leave. “Can I stay here for a little while? If it’s alright with you I’d like to put up some additional wards and blocking spells as well as cloak our phones and internet traffic so I can’t be found…if he even tries to look for me.”

“Well, I certainly understand why you left. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. You know I will support you in everything. You can stay here until you figure out exactly what you want to do. You are welcome for however long you need. And do what you have to do to feel safe here. Cloak and block whatever you want. If you need any help with the spells, let me know.”

“Thank you, Catarina. I hate to impose. I just didn’t know where else to go. I didn’t want to be alone.”

She pulls him in for another hug. “You’re not an imposition, you’re my best friend and I’ll never leave you alone. I’ll do whatever I can, whatever you want or need me to do, to get you through this. How about some tea and we can talk some more?”

Magnus replies, “That sounds great.” and they head off towards the kitchen.

♦♦♦♦

Alec hasn’t heard back from Izzy yet so he decides to call Jace. “Hey. Have you by chance seen or spoken to Magnus today?”

“No I haven’t. Do you not know where he is? Wait, don’t tell me, you guys were playing some kind of role-play hide and seek and you lost him.”

“Jace, I’m serious.”

“So am I. I mean it, don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know what you two get into at home.”

“Magnus left me this morning. I have no idea where he is. He won’t accept my calls or texts. Izzy was trying to get in touch with him but I’m assuming that didn’t work because I haven’t heard from her. You’re my next point of contact so yes or no; have you talked with Magnus?”

“Shit man. I’m really sorry. No, I haven’t seen or spoken to him. Want me to check with Clary?”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea. Thanks.”

“Sure.” Jace waits a beat, silence over the line, giving Alec the chance to speak. When he doesn’t, Jace prods him, “Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

“Not really. It’s not that I don’t want you to know. I just can’t go over it again. Izzy can tell you everything.”

“Alright. I’ll get with Clary then get back with you.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

The line goes dead as Jace ends the call. Alec decides to check Magnus’ social media. He’s always been an avid poster, to Alec’s dismay. Maybe he’s left some clues to his whereabouts on one of the sites. It’s a dead end. The last post anywhere was from last week.

“Damn it Magnus!” Alec yells to the empty living room. “Of all the times for radio silence. I beg and beg for you not to post _everything_ that happens to you and the one time I need you to ignore me, you actually take my advice.” Alec huffs out a frustrated sigh. It’s evening and no one has spoken to Magnus all day. Alec doesn’t want to push too much. He’s not at the “send out a search party” stage yet. He decides to go to bed. He’s drained from the day. He’s hoping Magnus will contact him soon.

♦♦♦♦

Magnus, in his robe and pajamas, emerges from Catarina’s guest room late in the morning. He gives Cat a slight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes as he comes into the kitchen. “Magnus, tell me what can I do for you. I’m starting to get worried.”

“Don’t worry about me, Cat. I’ll be fine. I just need some time…and a plan for what I’m going to do next. I just can’t see my way through this right now, but I will, eventually.”

“I _do_ worry about you. You hardly moved off that couch yesterday. Doesn’t look like you have any big plans for today either.”

“I’m sorry. If I’m bothering or inconveniencing you I can go to a ho-“

Catarina holds up her hand to interrupt him, “Stop right there. That’s not what I mean, you know that. You could stay here forever and mold an imprint of your ass into my couch and I wouldn’t care. What I care about is you. You haven’t been yourself at all. I just hope you’ll find yourself again soon.”

“I will. I know I will. I’m just not sure how long it will take me.”

“Take all the time you need. You know what I think? I think you need a reminder of how important you are to other people.”

“Oh, no, Cat. I don’t want to see other people.”

“Ok, not other people; family. Get dressed or don’t. It’s up to you.”

An hour later there’s a knock on the door. Magnus has at least gotten “real” clothes on but no makeup or product in his hair. He doesn’t have the energy for that yet. Catarina opens the door to reveal Raphael. “Dios mio. You look like hell.”

“Lovely to see you too, Raphael.” Magnus says from his spot on the couch.

“What is this I heard about you and Alec?”

“I’m sure Catarina has told you. Please don’t make me rehash it all.”

“You’re right. I’m here to try to help you feel better, not worse.”

Magnus rises up off the couch and crosses the room to Raphael to pull him into a hug. “And it’s working. Thank you for coming.”

“No thanks required. I’m always here for you, whatever you need.”

“Right now I think I need some lunch and a drink. Feel like making tamales if I make the drinks?”

“You know it.”

♦♦♦♦

Alec wakes in the morning with a start as his phone chimes with a text message. He reaches for it immediately hoping that it’s Magnus. It’s not. It’s Jace.

_ Jace: Talked with Clary and Clary talked with Simon. Neither of them has seen Magnus. Sorry._

_ Alec: Great, now Simon’s involved??_

_ Jace: I can see your eyes rolling._

_ Alec: You know me too well. Did Izzy tell you?_

_ Jace: Yeah. I’m sorry. We’ll find him. Don’t worry. It’ll work out._

_ Alec: I really hope you’re right._

_ Jace: Of course I am ;)_

Alec rolls his eyes again at Jace. He can count on him to always make it all about himself. Alec loves him anyway. He decides to take a shower, hoping he’ll have an epiphany as to what to do next.

When he gets out of the shower, he sees the notification light flashing on his phone. He unlocks it and sees a message from Izzy and one from Clary. Both are telling him that Magnus has responded to their texts. Their messages contain the same information.

_ Izzy/Clary: Magnus says he appreciates the concern but he is okay. He also asked me to leave him alone until he reaches out. It’s too hard for him right now. He also refuses to contact you. He won’t tell me where he is. Sorry._ :(

Alec sends them both a follow up message.

_Alec: Thanks for trying. Please let me know if anything changes._

♦♦♦♦

Magnus’ phone rings interrupting his afternoon of doing absolutely nothing. He looks at the display and sees that it’s Simon. Magnus sighs and answers, “Hello Simon.”

“Hey man. How you doing?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m good. You know, vampire stuff’s okay. Those werewolves though man, they’re something else.”

“Simon, did you need me for something?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Couple of things. One, I heard about what’s going on. If there’s anything I can do for you I just wanted to let you know all you have to do is ask.”

“Thank you Simon. That’s means a lot.” Magnus says sincerely.

“You’re welcome. You've helped me so much, it’s the least I can do.”

“Thank you. Was there a number two?”

“Huh? Number two??? Oh yeah! Number two! LOL. I don’t know if you already know or not, like do your warlock senses tingle like you’re feeling a disturbance in the force or something when someone is looking for you? It’d be really cool if it worked like that. Does it work like that?”

Magnus drops his head, pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, “No Simon. My powers are not like the force. Does this mean someone is looking for me?”

“Alec’s been going crazy since you left; grilling all of us to find out if we’ve spoken to or seen you. I think he’s going to start sending out search parties today.”

“Hmm, I didn’t think he’d care.”

“Come on Magnus. You had to know he would look for you. He’s been miserable since you left.”

“Well I hope he’s taking the time to reflect on _why_ I left.”

“He is.”

“Good.” Magnus is quiet for a moment. “Simon, please don’t tell Alec you’ve spoken to me.”

For once, there’s silence on the other end of the line. Finally, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I’d be very grateful. If you really want to help, this is the best way for you to help me right now.”

“You bet, Magnus.” Another pause, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“I appreciate your call and thank you for the heads up Simon. You’re a good friend.”

♦♦♦♦

Alec can’t wait any longer for Magnus to contact him. He has to find Magnus so he can try to fix this. Today he starts using every Clave resource available to him to try to locate Magnus. He has Underhill constantly monitoring every camera feed in New York, hoping to catch a glimpse of Magnus. He’s sent Shadowhunters on reconnaissance missions with no success. He’s called in favors from Institutes across the country and around the world. No one has been able to locate Magnus.

Alec calls Lydia in Idris hoping she can help. “Hi Lydia. How’ve you been?”

“I’m doing well, Alec. I’d ask the same of you but you don’t sound like yourself. I feel like this isn’t a social call.”

“You’re right. It’s not. I’m hoping you can help me.”

“If it’s in my power, you know I’ll do whatever I can. What do you need?”

“I can’t find Magnus. He left and I’ve done everything I can think of to locate him and nothing has worked.”

“He left? Like went on a trip or something? And didn’t tell you where he was going?”

“No. He left _me_. I’ve really been shit to him lately and he wasn’t willing to take it anymore so he left. I can’t blame him.”

“Alec…I’m sorry. What have you already tried?”

“Hourly reconnaissance missions, continuous monitoring of CCTV cameras, contacting other Institutes here in the States and abroad. Nothing has worked. He’s just disappeared. I was hoping you could give me some guidance and help. Do you have any other ideas of what we can do? Can you spare any of your people to help me here or can they work on this from Idris?”

“I’ve got some time myself. I can be there tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? You’re position in Idris is important. I don’t want things to fall apart while you’re gone.”

“I’m absolutely sure. I could use some time away anyway.” Lydia says, trying to lighten the mood.

“Thank you Lydia. Your help will be invaluable. I’ll owe you one…or a hundred.”

Lydia laughs lightly. “You’re my friend, Alec. I help my friends. Free of charge. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks Lydia. See you then.”

Alec hangs up and hears a knock on his office door. “Come in.” he sighs as he prepares himself to deal with something not near as important as the search for Magnus.

The door opens and Maryse walks in. “Hi honey. What’s going on? There have been more patrols leaving here today than there were all last week. Underhill is glued to the camera monitors and I can’t get your siblings to give me a straight answer about anything. To top it all off, you don’t look well.” She makes her way over to Alec where he sits in his chair behind his desk. She looks down at him and takes his face in her hands, looking into his eyes. “Are you okay? You’re not sick are you?” she asks as she places her hand on his forehead to check if he has a fever. “No fever but you’re so pale. Have you been eating?” She’s cupping his faces in her hands again staring intently into his eyes, her mother’s intuition telling her something is very wrong.

Having his mother in his office, gently holding his face with concern so clear in her eyes, Alec can’t take it anymore and the dam breaks loose. He’s sobbing before he can even begin to tell her what has happened. She pulls him into her embrace and cradles his head to her chest. He wraps his arms around her waist and holds on for dear life. She strokes his hair and tries to soothe him while he weeps.

“Honey, what is it?” she asks quietly as she slowly rocks him back and forth.

“I…it’s…Magnus…gone.” are the only words Alec can get out between sobs.

“Oh my baby.” Maryse keeps holding on to Alec, rocking and soothing him until his tears slow. He takes a few shaky breaths and she asks, “What happened?”

He pulls away from her, wipes his eyes, stands shakily and walks around his desk. He tells her everything as he paces through his office. When he finishes the story he stops and looks at her. “Now I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Please, tell me what to do.”

“Alec, we’ll find him. It’s getting late tonight. Why don’t you go on to bed? Get some sleep. We can all regroup tomorrow when Lydia gets here. You’re barely able to stand on your feet.”

He thinks for a minute then sighs, “Okay.” His breakdown has left him weak and he feels like he could sleep for days. “Thanks Mom. For everything. I love you.”

“I love you too my boy. Now go on to bed. I’ll take care of things here and let you know when Lydia arrives in the morning.”

“Thanks again. See you in the morning.” Alec goes to his room and falls onto his bed, all his strength gone. He’s asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

♦♦♦♦

Magnus has spent the evening at Catarina’s refining wards and casting blocking/cloaking spells. It’s only been a day but he’s not ready to be found yet. As he’s finishing up the last spell, his phone rings. It’s Isabelle. She waited longer than he thought she would before she reached out again.

“Hello Isabelle.”

“Look, I know you asked me to wait but I’m worried about you. No one has heard from you. We don’t know where you are or if you’re okay. I’m sorry if you’re mad at me for reaching out so soon but you’re my friend damn it and I need to make sure you’re alright. You’re more than my friend, Magnus, I love you. I feel like you’ve been gone forever because I wouldn’t allow myself to just pick up the phone and call you whenever I wanted. I miss you. Please tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m fine and no I’m not mad at you.”

“Thank the angel. Truthfully, how are you doing?”

“You want to know the truth? I’m pissed at your brother for making me feel this way and for the way he’s been treating me. I’m hurt because he’s been treating me like every other person I’ve ever had a relationship with and I’m mad at myself because I convinced myself he was different when I knew better.”

“I’m sorry, Magnus. Alec has really been an asshole lately. I should have spoken up when I saw him lash out at you. I should have done better. I will do better Magnus, I promise. Could you please go back home? Alec is devastated. He would like the chance to talk to you. To try to salvage your relationship, if possible.”

“First of all Izzy, it’s not your job to monitor your brother’s outbursts. He’s his own man and he is responsible for his own actions. Secondly, you’ve done nothing wrong; therefore, you owe me no apologies or promises. In answer to your question, I’m not ready to go home. I’m not sure when or if I will be. I do know I’m not ready to see Alec. I couldn’t have a calm discussion with him right now and nothing would be resolved.”

“I understand and support you one hundred percent. Could you at least tell me where you are, just so I know you’re somewhere safe?”

Magnus is hesitant. “I don’t know...you’d have to promise me you won’t tell Alec.”

“I promise.”

Magnus is reluctant but he relents, “I’m at Catarina’s.”

“Thank god. You’re safe. Magnus…I won’t tell Alec. I respect you and our friendship too much to go back on my word. I’ll keep your secret…for now. I know you’re both lost without each other. I can’t stand to see you all like this. I’ll give you a chance to come together on your own. If you don’t at least have a discussion soon, I’m intervening. Neither of you can go on like this.”

“Well, not the exact promise I was looking for. I’m not ready Izzy. Please don’t rush directly to Alec and tell him where I am. I can’t face him right now.”

“I won’t, I really do promise. Try not to wait too long. If I know Alec, he’s going to start ordering door-to-door searches across NYC any minute now.”

“Thank you Isabelle. I’ll talk to you again soon. Good night.”

“Good night Magnus.” Magnus hangs up the phone with a sigh. He knows she’s right. He decides to sleep on it before he makes any rash decisions about reaching out to Alec.

♦♦♦♦

When Lydia arrives, she’s immediately all business when she meets with Alec and Izzy. “Good morning to you both. You told me yesterday what you’ve already done in your search for Magnus. Any developments since we spoke?”

Alec sighs. “No, nothing new. No sign of him anywhere.”

“I kind of hate to ask but because you didn’t mention it…have you contacted his friends? This says he’s close to (she flips open a file in her hand and reads from it) Raphael Santiago and Catarina Loss?”

“Shit.” Alec feels like an idiot. That is such a simple place to start but he was so focused on all the other options he didn’t even think of it. At Lydia’s suggestion, Alec looks at Izzy for some support or share in the idiocy. She’s looking anywhere else in the room but at him and she’s nervously tapping her fingers on her thighs. “Izzy? Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Huh? What? No.”

“Izzy, you’ve never been a good liar. What’s up?”

Izzy is offended. “Excuse you. I am an excellent liar!”

“Let me clarify…you’ve never been able to lie to me. I know your tells; you won’t look at me and your all twitchy. What gives?”

Izzy tries to hold out. “Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Isabelle Sophia Lightwood…you’re not getting out of this. Don’t make me pull rank on you.”

“Damn it. Fine.” she huffs. “First I want you to promise me you will be calm about what I’m going to tell you. No angry outbursts or running out of here half-cocked.”

“Shit Izzy. Would you just tell me already!”

“Promise.”

“Ugh. Fine. I promise.”

“Lydia, you’re the witness and you outrank him so you have to help me hold him to his promise.”

Ever the diplomat, Lydia says “Well, that will depend on what you have to say and the importance of it to our current mission to find Magnus.”

“It’s important…I know where he is.” Izzy winces slightly and ducks her head as she says it.

Alec explodes. “WHAT?!?!?!? Where is he? Is he okay? Damn it, how long have you known?” The last question is almost whimpered. Alec can’t believe Izzy kept this from him. She knows what he’s been going through and she still withheld this crucial piece of information. “How long Izzy?” he asks again, calmer now but the hurt in his voice is evident.

“I spoke with him last night.”

“You talked to him?!?! Last night?!?” Alec’s eyes fill with tears but he holds them in check. He can’t cry in front of Lydia. “And you didn’t tell me? Why not?” His voice is quieter now because of the strain of keeping his emotions tamped down.

Izzy moves over to Alec and places her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry Alec. I promised Magnus I wouldn’t. He’s safe and physically okay. I wanted to give you two time to come together on your own, give Magnus time to be willing to at least talk to you. When we spoke he asked me not to tell you. I told him I would keep the secret but only until you were about to do something crazy. Bringing Lydia in and asking her for help from her Shadowhunters in Idris is something crazy.”

“I can’t believe you’ve known for what…at least 12 hours and you didn’t say anything.”

“I’m not sorry. Hopefully you used those 12 hours to think about how you’re gonna fix this. Figure out exactly what you’re gonna say to Magnus to make up for treating him like shit for weeks.”

“Whoa Izzy. Don’t hold back.” Lydia interjects.

“Lydia, you don’t know how it’s been. Magnus has deserved nothing Alec has thrown at him. I don’t blame Magnus for leaving. I would have too.”

“Izzy.” Alec groans. “Thanks for the support.”

“I love you big brother but I’m on Magnus’ side on this. I think you’ve learned your lesson though. He may not stay at Catarina’s forever. You don’t want to miss your chance so what are you waiting for?? You better go talk to him while you can. I know you two can work it out.”

“Sorry I’ve been such an ass. And Lydia, I’m sorry for misusing your time and Clave resources. I lost my head there for a bit.”

“It’s alright Alec. I’ve been in love before too and I totally understand where you’re coming from. We’re Shadowhunters. We love once, deeply. I hope you can work things out with Magnus. You two are really made for each other. I’m going to head back to Idris. Someone let me know how’s things turn out.”

Alec and Izzy both watch Lydia as she leaves Alec’s office. Once Lydia is gone, Izzy looks at Alec, “Why are you still here?? Get going!!!”

“Thanks Izzy. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now get out of here!”

“Okay, I’m going.” Alec grabs Izzy in a bear hug before he leaves and plants a quick kiss on top of her head. He waves goodbye as strides through his office door, on his way to hopefully repair his relationship.

♦♦♦♦

Alec knocks on the door of Catarina’s apartment. It takes a few minutes for Catarina to answer it. “I was wondering when you’d show up.” she says to Alec.

“Hi Catarina. Is he still here?”

“He is but I’m not sure you’re welcome here right now.” Catarina says in defense of her friend.

Alec is contrite. “I understand. Would you mind to please ask him if he’s willing to talk to me?”

Catarina can see on his face how miserable he must be. She _knows_ Magnus is miserable. She sighs, “Wait here” then closes the door leaving Alec pacing in the hallway.

Catarina turns from the door to face Magnus. “Well? Do I let him in?”

“How does he look?” Magnus wants to know.

“Like shit. Doesn’t look like he’s had a good night’s sleep for a couple of days and his hair is a mess. Looks like he’s been running his hands through it instead of a comb. He also looks lost, sad and miserable.”

“Good. He should be all of those things.”

Catarina tries to reason with Magnus. “He’s here to talk to you, to try to fix this. Don’t you think you should at minimum hear him out?”

Magnus sighs. “I guess I could do that much.”

“Great. Now if you don’t like what he has to say, kick his ass right out of here.” she says supportively and winks at her friend.

Alec stops pacing when Catarina reopens the door with her purse in her hand. He looks at her and takes a step forward. She holds up her hand to stop him. “You’ve really hurt him but I’m going to let you in to talk to him. Keep in mind, I’m a portal away if he needs me…for anything.”

“Thank you Catarina. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to be apologizing to.”

“You’re absolutely right.” Alec says humbly. “I should be thanking you. So Thank You for picking up the pieces of what I broke. For being there when I wasn’t, for taking such good care of him and for being a wonderful friend to him. I hope, one day, I’ll earn the right to get to call you a friend again too.”

She lays her hand on Alec’s arm. “Be kind to him. He’s in the kitchen.” she says. With that she pats Alec’s arm and leaves the apartment.

Magnus is leaning on the kitchen island when Alec walks in. “Well, I see Isabelle didn’t even last a day before she told you where I was. Why did I trust her? I know she can’t keep a secret.”

“Maybe you wanted her to tell me where you were because you knew I would come over here immediately?” Alec asks hopefully.

“If I’m honest with myself, that was probably part of it. I don’t know why after all these years, I’m still a glutton for punishment. I guess it’s the promise of once-in-a-lifetime love that I just can’t give up on.”

Alec takes a couple of steps towards Magnus but Magnus backs away. “You can say what you have to say from over there.” Magnus indicates with an upward tilt of his chin.

Alec feels like the distance between them is miles instead of several steps. The fact that Magnus wants to keep that distance in place is like a dagger to his heart. “I’m so sorry Magnus. You’re right…about everything. I’ve been so stressed out and I took it out on you. I didn’t mean to and that’s absolutely no excuse. I’ve been such as ass to you and I’ve taken you for granted. You’re always so willing to help me, to help the Institute, when you don’t have to. You do it out of the immense kindness of your heart and we’re all thankless, awful people.”

Magnus replies, “I understand that you have a demanding, thankless, stressful job. That’s why I try to help you as much as I can. We were a team. A pretty damn good one if I do say so myself. What I can’t understand is why you wouldn’t talk to me. You shut me out then were dismissive when I tried to talk to you. I can’t – no, I won’t – live like that. I’ve done it before and refuse to do it again. Especially not with you; it hurts too much.”

“We were a good team and we can be again, if you’ll have me back. Magnus, I’m ashamed of the way I’ve behaved. You’re the one person in the whole world who I never, ever want to hurt. Never want to make you feel less than or unappreciated. You’re the person I want to make feel loved and cared for and treasured. You’re the only person that matters to me Magnus. Your feelings matter to me and I stomped on them. I'm a Shadowhunter but I'm part human too. Human's are imperfect. When we mess up, all we can do it learn from our mistakes so we don't repeat them in the future. If I could go back and change the past, I would, in a heartbeat, but I can't. I can only promise you that I've learned from my mistake and it won't happen again. I know you may never forgive me or take me back and I wouldn’t blame you. Just know that I will spend the rest of my life trying to get you to do just that. I love you more than anything in the world and I am so, so sorry. I hope you'll give me a second chance.” By the time he’s done with his speech, Alec has tears in his eyes.

Magnus takes a few tentative steps toward Alec. Alec stays rooted to the spot. He doesn’t want to do anything to make Magnus back away from him again. “That was a nice speech. I can tell you mean it. That doesn’t erase everything that’s happened. You really hurt me.”

“I know I did. I have no excuses. All I can do is promise you that I will use every minute of every day to show you how much I love you, respect you and value you. I will never again be dismissive, unappreciative or demanding of you. I will always talk to you about how I’m feeling and I will listen to you when you express your feelings. Your thoughts, opinions and feelings will never be brushed aside again. I know I can overcome any obstacle with you by my side…as my partner, my equal. I would like the chance to prove all of this to you, if you’ll let me.”

Magnus steps in close to Alec. He doesn’t touch him, just studies him for a few moments while he thinks about Alec’s words. “Do you really mean all of that?”

“Yes. I’m so, so, so sorry Magnus. I love you.”

“I'd be a very lonely, old warlock if I didn't believe in second chances and the ability for people to grow and learn. Over the course of my long life, I've made many mistakes along the way. Many people have given me a second chance and our relationships, romantic or otherwise, were always the better for it." Magnus closes the remaining distance between them and puts his arms around Alec’s neck. "I love you too. You’re forgiven.” Alec pulls Magnus into his embrace. His tears are escaping down his cheeks now. He plants kisses all over Magnus’ face and in between each one he murmurs a soft “I’m sorry”, “Thank you” or “I love you.”

Magnus pulls away to look into Alec’s eyes. He can see all of Alec’s emotions reflected in them. He can tell things are going to be different, better. He has a feeling that things are actually going to be great. He strokes his hand through the base of Alec’s hair then pulls him in for a kiss. When they part, Alec looks at him and asks “Wanna come back home? It’s not home without you there.” With a laugh, Magnus replies, “Well it is _my_ apartment.”

Alec joins in with Magnus’ laughter. “When you’re right, you’re right. Let’s go home. Oh, and can you please magic all your stuff back tonight, too. The empty closet is just _wrong_.” Magnus’ laugh is renewed as they leave for home.

♦♦♦♦

Alec and Magnus take the next couple of days off to just be at home together. They have deep conversations about things that have occurred between them over the last couple of months. With mutual respect and love they work through their issues. Each night they go to bed and wrap up in each other’s embrace. They both know they will be able to get through anything the next day throws at them, as long as they do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. <3


End file.
